It’s Valentine’s Day again:
Visions of candy hearts, and chocolates in a heart-shaped box, and Valentine’s Day cards dancing our heads...
Some hate Valentine’s Day, some love it, some ignore it, some all of the above ; )
But, on some level - Valentine’s Day gets our attention.
For many of us, Valentine’s Day and the idealized pictures related to it - grabs us in funny ways - and shakes:
Who should I be? How should a relationship be? How should a beloved be?…
I was speaking to a friend the other day, we were agreeing the only thing worse than not having a partner for Valentine’s Day is going Alone to a Wedding - ugh.
It doesn’t have to be that way,
being un-partnered for some is a calling, a gift,
for most of us, it can be a blessing at different times of life.
There’s a lot I could say about That.
For now, I want to bring up the LIE:
that once we are partnered, then the ideals of Valentine’s Day, the ideals of wedding pomp and circumstance,
are ours forever…
Once we find the ‘right’ partner, once we tie the knot…
Two become one, we become a couple and the sun sets over the ocean, the credits roll - we live happily ever after…
WHO do we know for whom this is Actually True?
Maybe for a Month, a year (maybe even a decade) - hello infatuation (another conversation for another day)
The fact is, after a year or so - the rubber really starts to hit the road... unless we find a sneaky way to remain in unreality.
BUT, most of us still hold onto our romantic notions - about ourselves, our partner, our relationship: How a relationship should be, and how they should complete us - make us whole…
So, when we don’t have this ideal experience of a partner, a relationship;
after a while, most of us are tempted to get an upgrade:
FIND someone who actually will meet our ideals and meet our Needs - forever and ever, amen.
Valentine’s Day hearts and flowers tell us this is how it’s supposed to be
- but it is not how it IS,
- and it really isn’t how it is Supposed to be…
The fact is - the experience of “I’m ok”, “all is well”, “Oneness” can be experienced with another person, or without another soul around.
We can have this experience once or twice: in a cathedral, in the deep woods, in a park playing with kids...
Or consistently, as the essential fabric of our lives...
I, for one, want the expereince of Love to be central to my life.
But, at the same time, I don't want to be dependent on anyone else for it.
I have been in this conversation since my teens - living Love's questions, facing these challenges, learning the hard way, and finding interesting results.
If you are interested in Living Love,
I hope you are enjoying your Quest, as well.
Read more: posts about Love